HopeK429

To be honest, I haven’t always believed in peoples’ energies. I haven’t always believed that you could see red flags, or just feel that something was off. But I sure do now that I’m older, and (hopefully) wiser, and have been through a thing or two. Every perspective I’ve gained has been hard-earned and every lesson I’ve learned has been fought for. I believe that some people don’t make a good match. I believe that sometimes we need to listen to our own intuitions whispering “something here isn’t right.” I believe in really digging in and paying attention to those gut feelings. I believe energies shift and change. Some are good. Some aren’t. Some give life. Some suck you dry. Some things can be explained and some can’t. Sometimes you just know, and we have to be open enough to explore what’s going on and why. I still believe in giving grace, not reading a book by its cover and not being so arrogant to believe I am capable of “reading” people correctly every time. I believe sometimes the weird feelings are coming from myself—my own insecurities, my own past coming back to bite me, my own fears and that I have to be the one to get myself in a more positive place. I believe sometimes I’m the problem and it’s up to me to look in the mirror and get my side of the street clean. I believe people can grow and change and learn to do better, and I believe some seasons are hard and that we will all go through it at some point—where it’s not in us to be light and happiness and constant warm fuzzies. And I believe there is goodness in each and every one of us, and on that same token, I believe we all have our stuff and we need to be gentle with each other. But I’m too old to believe everyone is healthy for my heart and I’m too old to believe everyone is good for my soul. I’m too old to believe energies don’t exist and I’m too old to ignore it when someone has repeatedly shown me who they are. So now, I lean in and I listen a little closer to those little whispers, those voices that say “this is a safe place for you and this is a place that is not. This is where you should spend more time and this is where you should remove yourself” without judging, without insulting, without gossiping, bitterness or ugliness ,Not as a way of being bad to them, but as a way to honor all that I’ve learned in my time here on earth and as a way to protect the most precious part of myself—my heart and soul, so that love is continuously flowing in and out of me, because I’m old enough to know that love is really what it’s all about. Love, Loving ourselves as much as we love those around us, Its just how I see life these days ..

I’m tired. And emotional. And I can’t stop thinking about those people in the dark without power and the ones that haven’t been found —— I think about how selfish some people can be. Seeing the devastation is something nobody should have to see but also something everyone should see…. I saw glimpses and it has shook my world, , if we all had a face to face view then maybe we could be more humble & appreciative. Myself I literally felt like I was suffocating No words can describe the feeling , and to top it off , later today I got some take out and a man was mad over ketchup. Ketchup.......his freakin day ruined over a pack of ketchup. I wanted to lose my mind on him. But then I thought, we ( people in general) act like that every single day. We take things for granted. We want more and more and more. We. We. We. I said to myself “the people in NC they lost everything” but I was wrong. They lost so so much. They lost a lot. Not just material things they lost family friends pets photos of loved, their homes , things they worked their whole lives for,, memories of a place they had known their entire lives GONE But the ones I saw today, they still had hope in their eyes.They had a smile on their face They had a smile on their face and they still had thankfulness and hope in their hearts regardless of what they had went through today they were thankful.. I just keep thinking about Psalms. “The lord is close to the broken hearted” I was going to try and do some work some tonight but I’m exhausted. And I literally want to reply to people with sn remarks about they had time to get out, with “at least you aren't in body bags” you have a home you have your families... but I’m going on two hours of sleep and not in the mindset to do anything but sleep. And its over thinking , emotions and lack of sleep doing the talking , that's not the person I am to say something like that... Everytime I even start to close my eyes I see things and todays trip. I sat in the truck tonight in my driveway about a half hour thinking and asking God “why did you want me to go there…why... this is going to hurt me forever”….. but I know he had a purpose and plan in it. And in that plan I trust him.. Tell people you love them.. Hold them close, mend old hurts, let go of petty things in the past , and just be thankful you have a 2nd chance to make those mends, to get those 2nd chances at a relationship with those lost to you and your families, I know things happen every single day that could cause each and everyone of us not to get that 2nd chance to make things right, but ya'll I'm telling you its God telling us make things right , do better treat people better trust in him and he's not playing around , Look around its the entire world falling to pieces from natural disasters to leaders running our Country, its full of lies deceit, corruption of morals and what we were built on, it's all being destroyed by idiots and crazy ideas more by the day of people making it up as they go, God made no mistakes he made 2 genders , Our world is falling apart before our eyes and if that doesn't make you think then I'm sorry you are part of the problem and not part of the solution,..Pray is all I can say , for whatever is on your mind just pray,

I'd like to ask you all to keep my brother and best friend Josh in prayers as they have been flying supplies in and out of NC for the last 3 days , they're both retired military pilots and can fly anything so that part I'm not worried about.... flying to them is like breathing to me,,, but they are mentally physically and emotionally drained, the coverage on the news is nothing compared to first hand sight and being there I flew with them Tuesday on the outskirts drop off zones and it was heart wrenching to see and I didnt even see the worst of it up close we flew over several hard hit areas but we weren't face to face with the damages, they guys on the other hand have saw more than I think they wanted to see and its been very hard on them both,theyhavent said it but I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices , this I know is going to be a life changing experience for them, I've prayed that this doesn't trigger PTSD again in Josh , he dealt with it for so long after returning from Desert Storm and tours over seas, these are my people people that I love dearly and I would like to ask you all to say a prayer for them , This part of Tennessee was never prepared for this type of storms , never has a hurricane came in land this far and there just was no time to prepare, my heart is so broke for everyone, here in my part of Tenn we only suffered flooding and few downed trees on the farm nothing even close to what they have experienced,, what damage I have is nothing compared to there, I know my guys and they are head strong and heart strong and I'm more than worried about them, I want them home safe but I would never step in their way of what they believe in , it's what I love about these guys most,, I myself know I couldn't physically be there on the ground , its just too much for me to handle and even process, flying over was more than I could process this will stay with me till my dying day,,, so I'm here I'm loading trailers I am helping collect items I'm doing all I can from here and praying continuously.. I just cannot put into words how this has opened my eyes to some, people I thought would have been hands on or just people I thought would show some emotion to all this that are stone cold these are people I know very well and I just cannot see how any human beings can watch the news, watch these peoples videos and not just break down in tears over what all that were affected are dealing with, losses so unimaginable ,, devastation no child should ever have to experience, elderly who lived their entire lives and it's all gone in just minutes,,, I also never imagined that in such a catastrophe there would be so little assistance from our leaders our Government , this just goes to show that as a whole the people take care of themselves and their own better than Government can do.. It's the people that will be the unrecognized heroes in this not Fema Not Tema not the POTUS but people who have lost everything that are on the ground helping others and and normal every day people coming to help seeing all the people come together has at least restored my faith in humanity and that when the time comes people come the rescue of others,, where ever you are what ever religion you believe in just pray ,Pray for those affected pray for my guys to fly home safe in a few days , just pray for our country as a whole , prayer is needed more than ever...

I debated if I was going to post this, but after a few minutes of ugly crying, ???? I realized this needed to be shared. I hope this touches you as much as it touched me .“I never intended to do bereavement sessions or end of life sessions when I picked up my camera. Most of which either never see the light of day or I never take credit for. It’s not the nature of those types of photos. Never did I imagine having the ability to photograph last moments with loved ones, last days with angel babies who were born without breath. Someone like me- a sympathy cryer and who has a very weak hold on my emotions. I have watched in helplessness as mothers grapple with their losses. With fur babies getting their last pup cups or lake days. With great great grandmas sitting happily with loved ones trying to hide their tears. Every time I do a session like this, I grieve the loss with them. I think about them constantly. I cry while I edit. I do my best to comfort and love on strangers while also doing my job. Capturing the raw moments for them. The details I wished I had of my own losses. I sit completely open to experience these moments with them. I don’t know how to shut my feelings down or compartmentalize when I’m there. And if I did I don’t know that I would choose to turn it off. So instead, I feel everything with them. This week I took family photos of a Brave woman fighting cancer and her 2 daughters,, This was so hard and so rewarding at the same time is the only way I can put this experience into words..Doing End of life sessions well they have changed my brain chemistry- and this session was no different. She’s going to fight to be here for as long as she can for her girls. For this session I made sure she got the full experience. I did her makeup and had her give us a fashion show with the client closet. Her girls decorated her hair in sweet little flowers and we just spent time outside. In between shots and poses I caught her really taking everything in. So many times she would close her eyes and breathe deeply, comment on how beautiful it was out there and just appreciate the things we all forget to notice. At the end of the session the girls wandered off for a bit to pick some flowers to keep in memory of the session- while I sat with her and helped her record some videos for her daughters- on the off chance that she won’t make it to their weddings. She thanked me for crying with her. She thanked me for the experience and for making her feel pretty. She told me to live gently. To be gentle to myself, that she was so hard on herself was her greatest regret. To not wait until someone has a cancer diagnosis to tell them all the wonderful things you think about them or the positive way they’ve impacted your life. And if you want to do something, to accomplish something, DO IT.
So go back to school.
Apply for the job.
Quit the job.
Take the trip.
TAKE THE DANG PICTURES.
Love on your people.
Buy the dress.
Wear the shorts.
Take the time off.
Start the journey.
Leave your toxic situation.
I couldn't utter the words that I had once been in her shoes, this was her time to shine and nothing in my life was going to be in the way of such a beautiful day , so we carried on and it was beyond words of beautiful and heart warming to watch these 3. so Folks....
Here is your sign you’ve been waiting for. As someone in remission from cancer this really hits home, and is why I want to capture every single moment with my 2 children my family and those I love as family. I journal every single day, I have a book I write in each and every single day for them to read when I've left this earth and gone home, it teaches you NEVER take a day for granted, never make promises you cannot keep, and most of all never stop showing those you love just how much they're loved by you, you just can't make up for time lost in doing these things,
I'm beyond grateful to have taken these photos for this family, To be able to gift them these memories frozen in time forever. I hope she has many more opportunities for things like this as she fights her battle.

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected. Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be "right."
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. They just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. They did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel.
The end.
Let them go. There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go. Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go. You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go. You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go. It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me. If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people. Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that. Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.Let them go.