Unfortunately for me my inability to control my anger at that time spilled out on those closest to me, and I hurt someone I care very much about. She decided she did not want anything more to do with me and deleted me from her friends list, and hung up on me when I tried to call her hoping to talk things through. Another friend tried to help, but in my messed up state of mind I am afraid I only made it worse.
instead of trying to get her to forgive me I said all the wrong things. I know what I said that caused her to delete me. I am calmer now and see things more clearly, but when someone has hung up on you on the phone and deleted and blocked you on social media, HOW DO I FIX THE MISTAKES I HAVE MADE? So as a result of me not being a good friend at a time when I was an emotional mess, I lost someone special to me . That is why I am setting here crying my eyes out at the 3 little words on the bottom of this little note: Love ya Pamala signed at the bottom of this ragged little note. I just wish that was still true she means so much to me. I miss the times we spent net surfing all over the place looking at things for our crafts, and I miss seeing the beautiful pictures she made. She is very talented. I know it is all my fault I no longer have her as a friend, and that hurts the most. I sometimes do not control my emotions well when I am under stress, and unfortunately sometimes my friends get hurt. Most of them understand when this happens and will accept my apologies, but you can not apologize when a wall goes up between you and the one you love. All you can do is lament the loss and try to go on without them.I would like to make a post note to this. Some say when a friendship is broken it can not be fixed. I do not agree. Full trust can not be regained if it is lost but friendships can be rebuilt IF BOTH wish it so. Thing is BOTH must want it to happen. I have a friend in Canada. She hurt me several years ago and I did not talk to her for 6 months. I actually thought we would never be friends again. Although I deleted her I never iggied her and one day she showed up in a game room I was in and told me she wanted the friendship back and was willing to do what ever it took. She was as good as her word she did what I asked and our friendship is as strong as it ever was, but it was made so because we BOTH wanted it.
I am afraid I will need to find a way to live with what I have done that cost me this friend, but that does not stop it from hurting. It does not matter if you cut your own leg off or if someone else cuts it off for you the pain will be equal. The same is true of emotional pain , it does not matter if it was self inflicted or done by someone else it still hurts.
