HopeK429

This is an old write about My Nana her birthday will be August 5th had she made it she would have been 89.

.It's been a year since I last hugged you, felt your hugs, heard your words of encouragement ,a year I've missed knowing that when I wake up in the mornings I would find you already downstairs , coffee on and no matter how early you was wearing a smile, you worried more, loved more taught me more than any person on this earth I miss you isn't even the beginning of how I still feel each day without you, I look up and I wonder of you and Dad are proud of me for they way my life is now, I try to fill your shoes, take care of everyone in the best ways I know how, I love them unconditionally just as you did us all those years, but I can't fill your shoes, at the end of each day I have to wonder if I said the right things when somebody ask me for help or an opinion, I know you see me thru out my day I feel you here with me, but can you hear what is in my heart? I hope you can ,,,At the same time you left God sent Emma to me, you know I 've always loved her since the day she was born but its a different kinda love now , its a Mommas love and I just need your help to be the best I can for her ,,,so when u see me struggling please help me guide me, give me what I need most to be like you,, I wrote this for you last year you never got to read it but I read it to you and held your hand those last few days,, I'm gonna read it to you again and I hope even in Heaven my Love reaches thru the stars and it fills your heart like your love still does for me,, Happy Mothers Day in Heaven Nana we all love and miss you .

When I was a little girl you adopted me as your own when my own Mother didn''t want me you did, you were always there—never missing a special day or an event, always good for a hug that wrapped around my whole body and warmed me from the inside out. Smart and strong, someone to be depended on. A role model that any young girl would be grateful to have. You taught me that family was the most important thing. You showered all of us with time and attention, instead of things, knowing that later down the road, we would remember you coming to the guys baseball games or to my dance classes with your support love and lots of hugs those were better than any gift you could’ve ever given us.
You knew that now, all these years later, we would appreciate how many times you showed us you loved us just by being there. That our hearts would be full of memories that can never be erased. I couldn’t be more thankful for each and ever one of those memories.. and you were so right Nana....You were and are the strongest person I know. The steadiest person. The one that knew that life goes on, that there will be bumps and bruises, both physically and mentally. But at the end of the day, you approached life with a smile on your face and an understanding that life’s imperfections are what make it great. You showed me that love and patience can conquer anything, it can grow and it can fill you with all the things you need in life..Things you will carry with you forever and share with all you meet and love...You learned me to be patient kind and most of all to love a person unconditionally to accept them for who they are , just like you did each of us from the beginning of this wonderful journey with you..I could never understand why God would allow our own Mother to hate us so much she wanted to never be around us again, now I know why, so he could give us You:)
And as I grew, I started to appreciate your example more and more. To lean on you for guidance and acceptance. To look to you for love and support, knowing there was no one on the planet that could hold me up quite like you. You are the glue that I think sometimes hold me together...You battled cancer. You battled your heart. You battled and won, in everything. I never doubted your strength. You were invincible. And yet when I got cancer you pretty much told me the exact same thing, that I was strong and that I had battled far worse with abuse and I had it in me to beat this , to take all the anger and fear I had against him and use that to beat cancer , you pushed me day in and day out just like you do now on the days I doubt life or when it all ends... you seemed invincible then and today to me you are still invincible.. but at times I begin to miss you and your still here...And yet I miss you now. You’re still so strong, even though your body is not as strong as your heart and soul You put on a good face, but I can see you doubting your own resolve. And it scares me. It scares me to see to hear you doubt yourself, when you’ve never doubted before. You
You’re no longer the perfect, idealized version of you I’ve always seen. You’re no longer invincible. But I love you now more than ever, now that I see how human you truly are. And yet you still provide the calm I need. You’re still my go-to. I still look up to you, even when my head tilts down to speak to you while your resting on the days you tire easily...And as I sit here and watch you sleep so peacefully , I'm afraid to leave here for even a few minutes...I’m afraid it will be the last time I see you. But as I leave, I’m also reminded of the powerful force you’ve been in my life for so many years. Still, I know I’ll see you soon, either in person or in a way you’ve influenced how I live. I don't think you even can begin to know the power of the most beautiful gift you have given to each of us so freely and that Nana is your unconditional love, the gift I know you have shared with me so freely and for that I'm thankful , you have taught me to love others in he same manner as I was loved as a child and that is unconditionally solely for who they are and nothing more... You are Nana and God couldn't have picked anyone better..I love you to the Moon and beyond to infinity and back 10 times a bazillion :) and that is just the beginning
Love Hope

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