jane_and.the_dragon

Sometimes I wish Idid not have emotions. The past couple weeks my emotions have been all over the place, I had a friend die about a week ago. I had know her sense she was about 10 years old. She had fought a long battle with many health problems, but they finally got her. Twenty-five years old is not bad for a child that was not supposed to live at birth. We are all doing our best to hold it together for the service on the 20th.
I have or maybe I should say had 2 other friends that I was I thought I was close to. One of them was supposed to have been diagnosed with cancer, and the other one had dementia. They were mother and daughter. I found out from a third party the mother died, and now i am both jurt at the loss and furious with the daughter that she did not let me know her mom died.
The ironic part is the last contact i had with the daughter was 2 years ago, even though I tried many times to check on how they were, throught different medias, and no replys back. Last contact I had with the daughter was after her 4th daughter was born. She sent me 3 birthday cards, and the one was so sweet it made me cry. THEN NOTHING no matter how I tried to get in touch with her, she never replied to any of them, that hrut. I am just wondering if she is not replying to me because she owes me money. The bad part about that idea is if she had answered any of my calls she would have forund out I do not care about the money. I wanted to help when I let her have it, and last year the government gave everyone extra money cause of covid , so the fact she has not repaied me is a non factor. I am so angrey she did not call me about her mom dieing. Not sure what hurts more her not telling me one on one or the fact that i got this 4th party she told a girl she went to school with who told her mom who told my neighbor who called me at 7 am to tell me Arlene was gone. I have know them ands been close friends with them sense Janet was 6 and she is in her 30's now. This latest thing hurts like hell. Oh and do not give me this she is greaving crap as her mom what not dead for the past 2 years that she was not answering my calls to see how they BOTH were.
I need to do some checking to see if she actually got in dirrect contact with my neighbor or if it was on fb. I do not have fb and Janet knows it, so if the neighbor had not told it to my other neighbor I still would not know that a very good friend of many years has died. EVERYTHING WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I DID NOT HAVE EMOTIONS, I would be able to avoid the emotional storm that is going on inside my head and has been for a couple weeks.

I have seen 3 movies that aired oved broadcasted chennals, and I just recently got the audio books of which the movies were derived. The movies left out many thing I think should have been added. I am having problems with my eyes so audio books are far better for me then the triditional book form. I can listen to them while I do other things, and if feels like someone is telling me a story, and my imagination allows me to see the story playing out in my head. In a movie it is not your imagination that creats the story it is someone elses concept of what the movie should be. I like to create my own images.

It had been a deep desire for years. I wanted so bad to be baptized. It has heavy on my mind sense my brother died. I have wanted to get baptized. My mother never believed in baptizing a child that wasnot old enough to choose for themself. I had always thought I would take the religion of my husband, but Inever married. With the death of my brother I decided it was time for me to make a desisoion. Although the thoughr of belonging to any set chruch gave me great aprehention I wanted to be ba[tized. I just did not want to belong to a church , because after my sister joined her husband's church she changed.. She became very hauty, and quite frankley a bit of a snob. I did not want that to happen to me, and shied away from oronizeed churches.
I looked for years to make it happen to get the baptism have wented so long withoug=t being locked into a spacific church. I called all around but everyone wanted me to join their chrch before i could get baptised.
I have a neighbor/friend/that is more like a daughter to me. Her whole family treats me like family. She , her daughter, and her sister all got together to make my baptism work. They spoke to the pastor that had baptized my neighbors daughter. It was decided we ( me my neighbor and her sister and her sisters daughters daughter would all be baptized yesterday in my neighbors sisters pool, it is really big adn very clean.
A deep cloud cover threatened to rain on the event. It hung over the pool and even sprinkield a little. We decided to get acclamated to the pool water before the paster got there, as we each climbed into the water we could feel the cold water starteling our bodys an we climbed into the pool. The clouds thicker we looked up and asked God to push back the clouds till the baptism was over, and just like a merical the clouds slowl bgan to part and the sun peak out from behind them.
As the pastor began the baptisms, first one then the next of us tiill we were all baptized . The thought of getting baptized made me shead a few tears of joy even before i was fully in the aater. I am terafied or large amounts of water the lord walkedinto the water with me , and held me up even though my head was dunked under the water.
I was saved when I was 7 years but never baptized. I can now scratch geting baptized off my bucket list.
I will never seezed to be amazed bythe leangths my neighbor will go to to make me happy. She is truely more of a daughter to me then a friend or neighbor to me. I AM VERY HAPPY TODAY! as many of you know I do not have many of those, Maybe now I will have moree happy days in my life.

I love Karma it is the great ezulizer. I got a neighbor across the street, and she has been trying to get me to fight with her. She actually said to another neighvor today if they cut open my stomach there would be a bunch of spiders run out. I was spiderbitten on my leg aboiut a month ago it is nearly healed now. The other day i was taking a walk. I do it a lot when the weather is fit. I go the the mailbox accross the street,then i walk up that side to the end of the block, cross over , and walk down my side. As I walked on the sidewalk above her houise on the streat, She lives down over a small hill. She said really loud in her house that I had a lot of nerve walking on her side walk. I just walked on by like I never heard her. I could have pointed out to her that all the side walks belong to the housing comples as we are all renters. But I seriously think she has a menta problem. ROTFLMAO many people here have mental issues. I find it much wizer and safer to just ignore them then to say anything that she could latch onto as me antaginizing her.
The hard part of this thing is another neighbor that she has also been harrassing has bipolar disorder and if she goes off the deep end it could get reallllllllly ugly. So I told my friend that has teh bipolar that she needs to calm down, and ignore her. I told her if we ignore the woman across the street karma will take care of it, and ignoring her will hurt her more then arguing with her or kicing her ass would.
My neighbor has a daughter and this woman across the street went POW POW POW at my neighbors daughter like she was shooting her. I told the daughter ignore it cause she wanted to go kick her ass. Took both her mother and i to calm her down. We told her not to throw away her future to let karma handle it.
I do not get it the neighbor across the street was really easy to get along with when she moved in 2 years ago. About a year ago my neighbors husband mad a joke thathe has made at me before, but the neighbor across the street not only did not quote him as he said it she changed it and said he said something he never did.
She tried to cause issues between my neighbor on this side of the road and when that did not work she turned on me too. Thing I do not care if people talk about me, as long as what they say is true. The one thing she said my friend said about me was i am annoying . rotflmao half the people in the world know I really am annoying. They can see that from my blogs. lol The other thing she said was i complain a lot. lol guilty again. Why would i get mad at a friend that is like a daughter to me for saying to someone things she has told me to my face lol. And if Karma does not take care of it I guess i will need to say some prayers for her to see clearer.

Have you ever felt your life was not our own? Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to make others happy I forget to make myself happy. What really sucks is when you are trying to tell someone something to help them,and they do not even give you a chance to say what you wanted to say. They just jump in with a rant on something they thought you were going to say, and they need another thought, because that one was wrong. It is like the old saying if you think..... You got another think coming.
My head hurts so bad today. I did not sleep all night, so if no one sees me the rest of the day you will know why. It never stops amazing me how quick people are to read things into stuff that was never there, and in doing so miss the whole meaning of the statement. I have touched on this before how misinterpretation can cause much unnecessary trouble. All people need to do is hear the real words being spoken, and stop twisting what is said into what they thought the person meant, or at least say to the person did you men this, and wait for the answer.
Is there anything worse then someone who is mad at you . You ask why, and they say you know what you did? Seriously if I knew what I did I would not be asking. HERE'S YOUR SIGN << that is from a song by a country singer. A friend of mine uses that quote all the time to describe something someone says or does that is stupid. The song says stupid people should ware a sign so people know they are stupid. Tell you what when someone says, You know what your did, and I got no clue what they are talking about. It makes me wonder are they listening to lies, or are they having delusions?
As you can see this has gone all over the place. That happens when I am tired. You know they say don't drive drunk? Well I should not blog tired lol, but sometimes it helps to get it our of my head and written down some where. BTW BEFORE ANYONE SUGGESTS I GET A NOTEBOOK TO WRITE MY RAMBLING THOUGHTS IN, BEEN THERE DONE THAT I HAVE 3 FULL. This is just easier.