denverc
Thibodaux l a
Relationship status: it's complicated
I want to play with: women
Looking for: friendship
Zodiac sign: Libra
Birthday: 1956-09-30
joined:
When you think your life is bad, Just remember someone out there is dating your ex !!!!!!!!!
the fight
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Little Johnny
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel ... they said, because it was bigger.
One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
https://youtu.be/ja3X1MTLjaw?t=74The Genie and the illegal Immigrant
--An illegal immigrant is sitting in the street in San Francisco, bemoaning his life, when suddenly, a genie appears.
"I'm a socialist genie," he says, "and I'm here to grant you three wishes." The illegal immigrant says, "You see this gap in my teeth? I want it fixed."
No sooner does he say that when he gets a copy of a new law saying all illegal immigrants in America will get free health and dental care for life.
And so, he ran to the dentist and got his teeth fixed for free. He is ecstatic and says "I want a fully furnished house and endless money."
No sooner does he say this, that a new law is passed guaranteeing all illegal immigrants get a fully furnished new home and welfare for life.
And in his hands are a deed to his new home and lots of money. The illegal immigrant is stunned.
He had gotten everything he wanted and still had a wish left.
So, he said "I want to be an American citizen. In fact, I want to be named Peter."
And as soon as he said that, his teeth went back to having a gap and his free house disappeared.
"What happened?!" the illegal immigrant yelled.
"What do you mean, 'what happened'?" replied the genie.
"You're an American citizen now. You should be ashamed trying to live off of government money. Go get a job Peter!"
The Pill
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."