jane_and.the_dragon

Sometimes I wish Idid not have emotions. The past couple weeks my emotions have been all over the place, I had a friend die about a week ago. I had know her sense she was about 10 years old. She had fought a long battle with many health problems, but they finally got her. Twenty-five years old is not bad for a child that was not supposed to live at birth. We are all doing our best to hold it together for the service on the 20th.
I have or maybe I should say had 2 other friends that I was I thought I was close to. One of them was supposed to have been diagnosed with cancer, and the other one had dementia. They were mother and daughter. I found out from a third party the mother died, and now i am both jurt at the loss and furious with the daughter that she did not let me know her mom died.
The ironic part is the last contact i had with the daughter was 2 years ago, even though I tried many times to check on how they were, throught different medias, and no replys back. Last contact I had with the daughter was after her 4th daughter was born. She sent me 3 birthday cards, and the one was so sweet it made me cry. THEN NOTHING no matter how I tried to get in touch with her, she never replied to any of them, that hrut. I am just wondering if she is not replying to me because she owes me money. The bad part about that idea is if she had answered any of my calls she would have forund out I do not care about the money. I wanted to help when I let her have it, and last year the government gave everyone extra money cause of covid , so the fact she has not repaied me is a non factor. I am so angrey she did not call me about her mom dieing. Not sure what hurts more her not telling me one on one or the fact that i got this 4th party she told a girl she went to school with who told her mom who told my neighbor who called me at 7 am to tell me Arlene was gone. I have know them ands been close friends with them sense Janet was 6 and she is in her 30's now. This latest thing hurts like hell. Oh and do not give me this she is greaving crap as her mom what not dead for the past 2 years that she was not answering my calls to see how they BOTH were.
I need to do some checking to see if she actually got in dirrect contact with my neighbor or if it was on fb. I do not have fb and Janet knows it, so if the neighbor had not told it to my other neighbor I still would not know that a very good friend of many years has died. EVERYTHING WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I DID NOT HAVE EMOTIONS, I would be able to avoid the emotional storm that is going on inside my head and has been for a couple weeks.