I was awakened at 8 am this morning by the sound of the phone ringing. I looked at the clock and realized 2 things 1 it was too early for my boyfriend and 2 it was too late for my sister. I answered the phone and it was my little brother. He said at 2 30 am Pam died. I was stunned. I said Our Pam? because I know about 9 Pams. He said yes. I was in shock. My sister in law was dead from a heart attack only about 2 weeks after my fav, cousin, and less then 3 months after her husband my big brother had died from a fast moving cancer. We did not even know my sister in law had a heart problem. My brother thinks she greaved herself to death, because she never got over my brother's death. It is possible. She would not be the first person in my family to die a very short time after their spouse died. My uncle Spence died minutes after they told him aunt Jess was gone. Uncle Spence had been ill for a long time and some of the realities think he was just waiting on aunt Jess to die before he was ready to leave. My uncle Less only lived about a year after aunt Caroline died. So it would not be uncommon for someone in this family to choose not to go on without their spouse.
It is really sad because their sons adopted daughter and grand children will need to face Christmas without them this year. My brother's house was always open to family no matter the time of year, but on holidays even more so. Pam and Lisa always made a big meal and anyone who wanted to join them was welcome to do so. For decades my sister in law made home made candy for the whole family. There were 4 brothers and sisters on our side and 4 nieces and nephews. On Pam's side of the family there were 4 brothers and sisters and I lost count of how many nieces and nephews. Every Christmas Pam would make hardtack candy for EVERYONE in the family. My favorite was the Cinnamon. We were at her house one year while she was making it. one batch got a little scorched when Pam stepped into the living room to talk to my sister and her nieces and myself were talking and not watching it. One of Pam's nieces said to me she thought she could smell the candy burning. I said tell Pam she is in the living room. So she did. When Pam came out the candy was definably sticking. Pam said to me that she wondered if she made that batch cinnamon if she could save it as she transferred it to another pan. I said I did not know that cinnamon can cover a lot of things, I do not know how much cinnamon oil she put in that batch, BUT when she dumped it out onto the cold marble slab my brother had gotten her for candy making a huge cinnamon gas cloud rose into the air in the room. It was quite strong and overpowering. It burned my lungs so badly I could not breath I ran out the front door along with one of Pam's nieces. My nephew Rick jumped out the deck door off the dining room along with another of Pam's nieces. Rick had been talking on the phone near the door when the cloud rose. My other nephew and some of his cousins had been setting talking in the breakfast nook off the kitchen we the gas reached them. They quickly moved into the living room 2 rooms away. Rick and I both left the doors we had exited through open so as to allow the gas to get out of the house before it killed someone. It was a quite cold winter night but the cold fresh air felt far better in my lungs then the cinnamon gas. Then I heard Pan's voice yelling at me and Rick to shut the doors because the candy was cooling too fast. I looked back into the house and there stood my sister in law in the middle of that toxic gas cloud still stirring the candy. To this day I do not know how she did it. My sister who had been in the living room with our brother said the gas cloud got into there enough it burned her lungs also. The interesting thing was some air bubbles formed in the candy when we finally got it cut into bite sized pieces and for weeks after that if you bit into one of those air bubbles in that cinnamon candy from that batch the air inside the candy was chemically the same temperature as it had been inside the house that night. Pam did a count on the amount of candy she mad that year it was over 90 lbs I do not remember exactly if it was 93 or 97 lbs. Pam did this every Christmas for both sides of the whole family until her health stopped her last year.
My brother and his wife had a way of making everyone feel at home in their house. If you wanted anything any time you need only go get it. I still get a chuckle when I think about the time Pam and I had been shopping and Pam asked me if I wanted a glass of pop when we got back. I said I could stand a drink. She said good get me one too while you are at it. lol I thought it was so funny. This open cupboard policy came back to bite Pam in the butt a couple years later. Pam's brother and I had been left at the house alone one afternoon and we got hungry. So we started hunting for something to snack on. We found a bag of walnuts and decided this would make a good snack. We ended up eating nearly the whole bag. A couple weeks later I ran into Pam's brother and he said to me You remember that bag of nuts we ate at Bob and Pam's the other day. I said yea. He said Pam was saving them for cooking. lol I was like oops. I said if she had told us there were cooking we would have left them alone. He said yea. The moral is if you allow everyone free run of your house be sure to tell them if you want to save something for a special reason.
I am sorry I took a wrong turn down memory land. Where I was really headed with this blog was to the fact we should all spend as much time as possible with those we love while we can, because we never know when we will wake up and someone we loved will be gone. I am just happy I took my brother up on the offer when he invited me to his house last Thanksgiving. it was a nice day I even went back Christmas day and Easter. Sadly by Easter we knew Robbie had cancer and they were planning the oral surgery. I remember he wanted one of Pam's home made rolls so bad, but it hurt him bad when he tried to eat it. Hot rolls did not last long around their house. People were constantly strolling by the bowl and picking one off and eating it long before the main dinner went on the table. I said to my nephew supper is not even ready yet. He smiled at me and said they are so much better hot. Hew was not wrong. lol I myself had a couple hot rolls that day. I was having a lot of trouble with my anxiety Easter, and I remember my brother putting his arm around me. That is something he had not done sense I was 6 years old. I took hold of his hand and held it. When I did I noticed his knuckles were quite large. I asked him if they hurt, because to me it looked like arthritis had set into the joints. He said they did not. I stood there holding his hand for several minutes before I finally pulled myself together enough to move away. This was the first time I had really felt like he was my big brother and was trying to protect me sense I was in 9th grade and he gave me a flash light because I was afraid to walk to the school bus stop alone in the dark. It was a mile walk and I was all alone, and there were not many lights on the road. When I was 6 and just starting school my big brother was my hero, then we had some really bad years and got farther apart. I am so happy we were able to get closer together before he died. My advice to you is tell those you love that you love them every day, because you may not get a tomorrow. Tomorrow is never promised to us.
