CoyoteUK

The setting is a Country House Hotel in Yorkshire.
The hotel has been the venue for the World Chess Championship ending today.
It is also Christmas Eve.
Simply put, the hotel is palatial, the epitome of luxury.
It's best feature is the glorious foyer, with three bars and furnishings of the finest order.
Now the Chess Championship has ended (a banquet and presenting of prizes is due at 8pm.)
But, because it is Christmas Eve, a lot of people have booked in for a huge celebration, a lot of feasting and drinking to be done.
Many people have booked to stay right through until the New Year.
However,the persons involved in the chess tournament are so excited to have achieved their aims that one or two are overly exuberant.
Denied alcohol for a week (Chess requires a sharp, unclouded brain) they tended to go...a little crazy.
They are soon at full volume,bragging and boasting about their achievments in the tournament.
All the usual chess phrases can be heard, En passant, En prise, Fionchetto, Double Attack!
Fools Mate raised a raucous bellowing of laughter!
But there was a fly in the ointment!
Guests arriving for their well deserved Xmas break were being denied access to all but one of the foyers' bars due to the garrulous nature of the chess players.
Words were exchanged.".We have paid good money to be here"..and "This is really not good enough" were just a few exchanges between the new guests and the beleagured staff.
So finally, the General Manager was summonsed (by a junior waitress out of her depth)
The Manager surveyed the scene..it was mayhem...the chess participants were behaving as if they owned the place and were more raucous by the minute!
The Manager decided on his course of action, he walked 5 steps up on the grand stairway that fed the foyer.
Surveying the guests below he bellowed "Ladies and Gentlemen!"
He did this three times!
Finally, subdued, the place settled into silence (apart from the odd hiccup & drunken murmuring)
He continued "We at the Excelsior hotel are honoured to have been the hosts for the World Chess Championship, it was our privilege to have seen the best of the world's players here this week."
"However,there are many people here tonight that have worked hard to pay for this evening, this Christmas Eve, it is special for them too" He continued:
"Personally, I cannot abide chess nuts boasting round an open foyer"

Sorry!

Saturday afternoon ,lakeside. People were enjoying the spring weather, boating and having family picnics. Suddenly a cry went out...a man was drowning near to the shore! Men were shouting, women were screaming, children were in panic. Our hero managed to drag the victim partway onto the shore. He proceeded to administer CPR...copious amounts of water came from the victims mouth. Our hero began to tire and turned to the gathered crowd.."Does anyone know anything about CPR?" A hush descended on the crowd, most of whom were filming events on their phones. Except for one small man in a black suit and bowler hat who volunteered "I don't know much about CPR, but I do know about Hydro-statics." Our hero gave the man a withering look and commenced with CPR...even more water was coming from the victims mouth...he was struggling. This continued for another minute, our hero was exhausted and dripping with sweat. Again he volunteered "Does anyone know anything about CPR...PLEASE!!" Once more the small guy said "I don't know much about CPR, but I do know about Hydro-statics"
"Ok our hero retorted, what is it with the Hydro-statics??"
The little man replied "I just know that if you don't get his arse out of the water, you are going to drain the lake dry"

King Abjahd of Berundai was a cruel King. He took money from his poorest people to fund his hedonistic lifestyle. He decided that he must have a magnificent throne built. Inlaid with gold and rare jewels, fifty craftsmen toiled over it for many months. It was indeed the most splendid creation! But the King heard that his people,upon learning about this throne, intended to steal it. So he ordered his servants to hide it in the rafters of his grass hut. This they did,securing it with ropes made of grass and sisal.
However, the termites and ants soon devoured the ropes and one night the throne crashed down onto the Kings' bed, killing him instantly!
The moral of this story being " People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."